Frie-burgers

Concept

Frie-burgers are the greatest concept to have ever been discovered. The idea is extremely simple. You put the fries inside the burger aaaand you eat it. Some of you are probably going “Eeeew, that’s gross“, well in that case, so is your mama. Anywho, how many times haven’t you taken a bite of a burger, and while chewing, popped in a couple of fries and eaten it? Same thing.

The name
I started calling them frie-burgers during my gymnasium time (for you weird people, that’s roughly the equivalent of college), because whenever I would go to to MickeyD’s with my friends, they’d ask about it, and usually take pictures with their mobile phones. So instead of having to explain the entire concept, I would just say that it was a frie-burger (in Danish, a “fritte-burger“, since we call fries “pomfritter“).

People would just accept it as a name for it and even use it themselves if people whispered “What the Hell is he doing..?” instead of asking me directly. One loved the idea so much, he offered to sponsor it as a new brand of hamburgers, should he ever get rich beyond belief. I would like to emphasize that the correct spelling is frie-burger, not fry-burger. You do not put in one fry, you put in several, so it’s a portmanteau of “fries and hamburger“.

Creation
While I’d love to take credit for creating it, it was actually thought up by my mom. You see, as a toddler, I took swimming lessons every Wednesday in the… erh… “toddler swimming class”, which is ironic considering that entire concept of swimming is lost on me now. I mean, I canswim, I just look ridiculous while doing it, like I lose all control of my limbs. Best way to put it is to say that I look like a retarded frog with semi-spastic paralysis when I swim.

Anywho, every Wednesday, after the lessons, she would take me to MickeyD’s (and for you slow people out there who have yet to figure it out, that means “McDonald’s”). Despite what you may think, I was extremely skinny, and I still am. So the American excuse with “uuuuh, McDonald’s food made me fat” is a lie! Ordering 6 cheeseburgers, 3 shakes, two sides of nuggets every day for a year is what made you fat, you just happened to have ordered it at a MickeyD’s. You could have order that at any other place that sells that kind of stuff and still gained the extra 100 pounds.

I get sidetracked a lot, no? But being the exceptionally slow eater that I was, I could never finish my hamburger in time to eat my fries while they were warm, and multi-tasking is not a concept a 5-year-old is aware of. You eat what’s in you hands first, you don’t think beyond that. So my mom started putting the fries inside the burger before I started eating. Probably the only brilliant idea based on logic she’s had for roughly 20 years.

In the media
Ever since then, I’ve been eating frie-burgers. At one point, I would regularly ask the MickeyD cashiers if they could tell the peepz making the food to make frie-burgers for me. The answer would usually be “no“. It did spark media attention though. The TV2 (a major Danish television network) had a broadcast in TV2 Lorry (a daily news broadcast back then) about the idea of making burgers with fries in them. None of the people they asked liked the idea. I can’t blame them though, TV2 Lorry completely misrepresented the frie-burger. Their version was probably the grossest burger ever, with more ketchup in it than meat. OF COURSE PEOPLE WOULD SAY NO!!

How to make it
So now, 15 years later, I present to you how a frie-burger is supposed to be made. Note that I order hamburgers without onions or pickles, because more ketchup is applied to the fries that way when you “close” the burger. You can also make two frie-burgers and clap them together in order to make a Big-Frie-Mac. Anywho, enjoy the short video (NB! after closing the burger, I’d usually cram a few more in there from the sides, this is not seen in the video though. And yes, Madhatter misspelled “frie-burger” XD):

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